"What?!" "Why?" "What happened?!"
These are among the initial reactions my friends had when I broke the news to them after months of the forceful termination by JPA.
This unforeseen and extenuating circumstance has allowed me the opportunity to look deep into myself - to do some soul-searching. I am extremely grateful that I still have a handful of true friends.
My dear friends who do not know this yet: rest assured, I have been awarded full-need financial aid by UPenn to continue my studies.
To Reveal or Not To Reveal
I had actually planned to revive the blog before finals in April. However, upon reviewing my postings, I was confronted by my past. I was extremely disturbed. I was in denial. I was haunted by my past. In short, I was a coward.
Nevertheless, I had promised many of my friends that I would publish my experience as a book in less than 5 years time. If I couldn't even accept my blog, how could I even begin to write my autobiography?
It is JPA which should feel shameful for its shameless act.
"They just shouldn't do this to you... but now you can forget about them!" the exclamation from the UPenn Financial Aid Officer still rings in my ears.
I can forgive, but I can never forget. I am blogging to reclaim my voice.
Many months prior to the JPA termination, I floated this delusional fancy on Facebook - to offer myself to US companies to break the bond from JPA. I was instantly shot down by one of my more "patriotic" JPA scholar friends for my treacherous angan-angan Mat Jenin [2]. Many months later, another of my JPA scholar friend lamented about his ill luck with the Diversity Visa (DV) - a "lottery" to receive the much coveted US Green Card. This time around, this "patriotic" friend was absolutely silent (mind you, we're all in the same network).
There are a few ways to interpret this silence:
- He was just extremely busy with school work
- He had recovered from his "Stockholm Syndrome"
- He was enlightened to the dilemma
Since then, I have spoken with a few friends. A few of them opine that securing a JPA scholarship is just like an insurance policy, you chuck it away once you are able to secure a scholarship from overseas, for example: from need-blind universities (UPenn is not one of them yet, at least for international students).
Why are we being so "ungrateful"? Why are we being so "unpatriotic"? Why are we acting like the opportunistic Boris Drubetskoy in War and Peace? My friend has a few plausible explanations in his superb analysis. Besides, the very recent shocking revelation that a Harvard Master's holder, who had worked with the World Bank and the United Nations, has been turned away by TalentCorp[3], and the perfunctory reply by TalentCorp's Communication Unit, should be telling enough.
Yet, at least for me, I felt I was cheated into signing the contract with JPA. Besides the "elastic clause" whereby JPA can pretty much do anything it wants with me at their whim and fancy; when I was a JPA scholar, they robbed me of my freedom of speech!
In this regard, I would like to thank JPA for terminating my scholarship.
Huh?!
I repeat: I thank JPA for terminating my scholarship.
Why?
First, they returned my freedom of speech. All my missions/vocations/callings in life are speech-related. Second, not only had they resolved my inner conflict of whether I should return to Malaysia after graduation, it was precisely their heavy-handedness which fuels my indignation and resolve to return home to advocate for human rights and anti-discrimination legislation.
On April 28, I took part in the first ever political rally in my life at Times Square in New York City. My friends back home were tear-gassed, brutally beaten and shot using chemical-laced water by the police (, for that matter, almost died to a loaded gun by an absent-minded policeman). Oxymoronically, Malaysians in Kuala Lumpur were denied the use of our Dataran Merdeka or Independence Square for a peaceful rally to demand for a free and fair election. Hours later, Malaysians in the United States were permitted by the National Park Service to protest march in others' National Mall area of Washington D.C. At Times Square, we were protected by local police. A few curious New Yorkers even joined us in our cause as it clearly resonates with their ideals as democratic citizens.
Yesterday, the Education Minister (and Deputy Prime Minister) of Malaysia alleged that "[his] hands are tied" over the demands to set up a Chinese independent school in Kuantan. This is not the first time he had invoked this magic mantra. His hands may be tied, but not mine, not yours!
And these hands will be typing, writing and (hopefully if the time prophecized by the post office makcik that it takes 3 months to be added onto the electoral roll could be shortened,) voting more!
N.b.:
Yesterday, the Education Minister (and Deputy Prime Minister) of Malaysia alleged that "[his] hands are tied" over the demands to set up a Chinese independent school in Kuantan. This is not the first time he had invoked this magic mantra. His hands may be tied, but not mine, not yours!
And these hands will be typing, writing and (hopefully if the time prophecized by the post office makcik that it takes 3 months to be added onto the electoral roll could be shortened,) voting more!
N.b.:
- Public Service Department of the Federal Government of Malaysia
- To daydream: to build castles in the air
- TalentCorp: The Malaysian governmental agency created in 2010 that is supposedly tasked to encourage overseas Malaysians (the majority of whom are non-Malays) to return home, "is headed by a Malay, with an all-Malay Board of Trustees," as underscored by Mr. John R. Malott, former Ambassador of the United States to Malaysia (1995-1998).
